


Night Shift

by LadyLienDa



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2019 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Gen, Insomnia, Lotor can't sleep, Pre-Relationship, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), poor lotor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 19:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17904185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLienDa/pseuds/LadyLienDa
Summary: Coran and Allura notice something wrong with Lotor. Allura tries to get him to tell her what's going on. It's more difficult than she thought.Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Night Shift

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for an anon who requested the Insomnia prompt for Lotor.

Coran tugged at his moustache for the fifth time that evening. Dinner was just wrapping up (an event where, once again, his cooking had been passed up in favor of Hunk’s) and the younger paladins had begun their customary argument over who would wash the dishes. Shiro and Allura exchanged glances and sighed. Sam looked at Matt, who shrugged.

“Is this a usual occurrence?” Sam asked his son.

Shiro answered for him. “Among other things,” he muttered, getting up and heading into the kitchen where raised voices could be heard.

“Okay, that’s enough! Hunk made dinner, so it’s only fair the rest of you get to clean up.”

There was some frustrated grumbling at this, but the clamor died down to leave just Lance’s characteristic high-pitched whining.

“Oh sure. _Hunk_ never gets to wash because he’s always the one cooking! Meanwhile _we’re_ always the ones stuck on dish duty.”

“Most of this can go in the dishwasher, you dummy.” Said Pidge. “It’s not all that bad.”

“But since you’re _so eager,_ ” came Hope’s disparaging voice, “you can clean the casserole dish. The one that _can’t_ fit in the dishwasher.”

Lance muttered something more that Coran couldn’t catch. Shaking his head a little, he wiped his hands on a napkin, got up, and stretched, surveying the room around him. Sam and Matt left with Hunk, talking about some new modification Matt and Pidge were working on while Sam listened with pride. Allura excused herself politely, saying she was quite exhausted and was going to retire early. Shiro muttered something about hitting the training deck before going to bed and promptly vanished, leaving Coran alone with the room’s one other occupant, aside from the bickering young humans in the kitchen.

Lotor had been so quiet during the entire course of the dinner, Coran had almost forgotten he was there. He sat unmoving in his seat, his expression vacant. If not for his half-lidded eyes, Coran would have almost thought he’d fallen asleep.

“Alright there, lad?” He called.

He was unprepared for Lotor’s reaction. The half-Altean jumped violently in his seat, sucking in a harsh breath and turning to look at Coran with a terror-stricken face. The expression vanished instantly to be replaced by blank nonchalance. It happened so quickly, Coran was half-convinced he’d imagined the expression and cursed his old age for making him doubt his own eyesight.

 Lotor’s gaze flicked around the room, seemingly noticing for the first time that everyone had left. He slowly got up from his seat and with an uncomfortable glance at Coran, straightened his shoulders and left the dining room without a word.

Coran followed him out into the hall. Before Lotor had made it around the corner, Coran called out to him.

“Are you feeling okay, Lotor?” He asked. The tall figure paused, then slowly turned around. His face was carefully blank, uncannily similar to the expression Shiro wore when he was trying to appear fine. Coran felt his gut tighten in suspicion.

“Quite fine.” Lotor said with an unconvincing attempt at airiness. “It’s been a long day.”

Coran edged closer, aware this might make the young man shut down even further, but willing to take the risk. “That it has. Did the healing pod work alright? We’ve had to adjust them to accommodate the paladins and their… _odd_ … human forms. It’s been awhile since they’ve been calibrated to an Altean! Especially one as injured as you were after your…fight.”

_Oh, quiznack_.

Coran knew he’d overstepped a boundary when Lotor’s face tightened into the faintest hint of a grimace. “No, it performed adequately. Your technology is in top condition.”

“Oh, that’s good. Just let us know if you need anything else.”

Lotor nodded, though the action seemed forced. “I shall. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

With a swirl of his short cape, he turned and stalked up the hall without another word.

Coran sniffed, the noise sounding unnaturally loud in the empty corridor.

_If he’s fine, then I’ve got another case of the slipperies._

Instead of heading to bed, he stopped at Allura’s quarters, hoping the princess was still awake. After a few ticks, the door opened with a hiss to reveal Allura, dressed in her nightgown with her hair unfettered and drifting about her shoulders like a Vennian storm cloud.

“Coran, I thought I said I was going to bed early. Can’t it wait?”

“My apologies, princess, but I merely wondered if you had noticed Lotor lately. His behavior has me rather concerned.”

Allura frowned. “Yes, I noticed it as well. He insisted he was fine, even before Hope practically forced him into a pod.” She paused, cocking her head to the side. “Why, did something happen?”

Coran explained what he’d seen (or rather, _thought_ he’d seen. He still wasn’t sure), which made Allura’s frown increase. “Did he say anything?”

Coran shook his head. “I asked him if the healing pod had worked well after his fight. I realized too late it must have hit a soft spot.”

Allura sniffed. “He doesn’t _have_ soft spots. None that we can detect, anyways. Could this be related to his fight with Zarkon, though?”

“I’d bet my last bottle of golden gilliflower-tinted nunvil that it is.”

“Well, what should we do? I doubt he’d take much liking to us prying. He’s as prickly as a Dalterion cactus! Much worse than Keith ever was.”

Coran smiled fondly at the mention of their missing paladin. “I agree. That’s why we should simply watch him for now. Let everything cool down, and then see if there’s still a problem that needs addressing.”

“Should we tell Shiro?”

Coran shook his head. “He’s got enough on his mind. Besides, we don’t know exactly what is wrong. Continue to keep your ears sharpened and perhaps an answer will present itself in time. But I’ve bothered you too long. Good night, princess.”

“Good night, Coran. Sleep well.”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  

During the next couple of quintants, Allura and Coran watched Lotor discreetly. They were on their way to Olkarion to regroup with the coalition and figure out their next course of action. While they were en route, the team mostly occupied themselves with their own activities. Matt, Pidge, and Hunk spent their time eagerly showing Sam around the castle or working on their latest technological advancement. When he wasn’t sparring with Lance, Shiro was in the Black Lion’s hangar or discussing intel with Sam or Allura. Coran kept himself busy cleaning different parts of the castle, overseeing Hope’s inventory of medical supplies, and cooking whenever Hunk wasn’t (which wasn’t often).

Lotor, for his part, did his best to engage with discussions whenever possible. He could often be found in the bridge, watching like a silent sentinel while Allura contacted various coalition members and offering input whenever asked. His silence was expected – after all, until a few quintants ago, he’d been stuck in a cell in the bowels of the castle. It was to be expected he would feel a bit out of place on the bridge with all the important people and taking part in all the important discussions.

Since Coran had mentioned it, Allura had kept a close eye on their resident half-Galra (seemed they could only keep one of those in the castle at a time), and she could tell Coran was as well. The most frustrating thing about monitoring Lotor was she couldn’t tell what was supposed to be normal behavior for him – whether the moody silence was simply him lost in thought.

After one particularly frustrating quintant full of coalition members with little better to do than ask baffling questions, Allura finally had her clue. She had been speaking to Lotor – about what, she couldn’t remember – when she noticed how drawn and pale his face looked, and how deep the circles under his eyes (had he always had those?) had become. The realization had caused her to falter in her conversation – a blunder that wasn’t lost on Lotor.

“Is something the matter?” He asked. His voice was curt, almost accusing.

Allura blinked. “I could ask you the same thing.” She said, doing her best to keep her own voice light and free of judgement.

“I’m fine.”

Allura wasn’t buying it. “Really?” She asked, folding her arms and shifting her weight to the side.

“Yes, really. Now if you’ll excuse me-”

He made to move past her but Allura stuck out her arm to keep him from going. He stopped and swiveled back to face her with an almost imperceptible sigh.

“What do you want?”

Allura took a deep breath. “Believe it or not, I care for your wellbeing.”

Lotor actually snorted this time. “Forgive me, Princess, but I _do_ find that hard to believe. Mere quintants ago we were having a very different conversation in the depths of the ship because you didn’t trust me enough. Now you suddenly care?”

Allura looked at the floor, unable to meet his gaze. Her face burned with shame. “It’s true. I misjudged you. We all did. But you have since more than proven your intentions for peace and I apologize deeply for my attitude and prejudice towards you. I made the same mistake with my friend Keith, and it appears I haven’t learned from it. I am sorry.”

When Lotor didn’t reply, she looked up and found his face narrowed in what she had learned was a thoughtful expression. It was a face he had been wearing so often lately, she wondered if it was concealing anything behind it. The dark circles beneath his eyes suddenly looked more prominent.

“I – appreciate that, Princess.” Lotor finally responded.

“You still haven’t answered my question, though.” Allura prodded. She wasn’t about to let this go. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Lotor closed his eyes for a fraction of a tick longer than usual. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, as though he didn’t have the energy to spare.

“Nothing that concerns you. Please don’t expend your energy to focus on me.”

“You’re in my castle.” Allura replied. “Everything that happens here is my concern.”

“Then I will respectfully ask you to leave me alone. Let sleeping yalmors lie. Please excuse me.” He began to make his exit again and this time Allura didn’t stop him. She simply watched as he left the bridge, his walk as dignified as ever. She wondered where she had gone wrong.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Later that evening, Allura found herself at the bridge again after dinner, responding to even more frenzied calls from Coalition members who all expressed, in one way or another, their enthusiasm over Zarkon’s demise through a barrage of questions. By the time she’d managed to answer them all it was quite late, and her energy reserves were nearly empty. She had to be careful not to snap impatiently at each new caller. It wasn’t their fault she was tired.

After ending the last call, she left the bridge with a sigh, looking forward to her soft bed. As she passed the corridor leading off to the kitchen, a bit of movement caught her eye and she paused. Likely, it was just Pidge or Shiro looking for a midnight snack or something. Pidge somehow survived on roughly two vargas of sleep per night (a fact which made Allura shudder every time she thought about it) and Shiro had a lot of mental problems that kept him up. It was common to find one or both of them up at this time.

Feeling thirsty, she thought she’d stop by the kitchen for a pouch of water and see who was there. What she found made her stop in surprise.

It wasn’t Pidge or Shiro, or even Hunk sneaking late-night sweets.

“Lotor?”

It couldn’t be anyone else. He was easily a head taller than Shiro and Hunk. He had his back turned to the door, rummaging through the refrigerated cabinet where they kept the water pouches. At her voice, he jumped, whirling around with wild eyes that glowed faintly in the dim light.

“Oh, Princess. I didn’t realize anyone was still awake.”

“I had lots of questions from the Coalition.” Allura explained. “I only just got done answering them all. I’m sorry if I startled you. I thought you might be Pidge or Shiro. They’re usually the only ones up at this varga.”

“I see.” Lotor said, tearing open the pouch in his hand and sticking the straw in. His demeanor was as stiff as usual. Allura figured they could be on the bridge and he would have the same closed-off attitude as now, when they were standing in a dark kitchen at night. Belatedly, she noticed he wasn’t wearing his armor, just the flight suit. It was the first time she’d seen him in anything other than his angled, dark-colored Imperial armor. He looked strangely thin without it.

“Did you need something, Princess?” Lotor asked. His voice was light, almost casual, but Allura could hear the guarded tone behind it. This man was impossible to figure out. She might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

“Just a water pouch.” She replied airily. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Lotor reached into the cabinet and handed her one of the foil packets. “I don’t think you could bother anyone, Princess.”

Allura laughed a little, though it was more of a snort. “You should ask the paladins about their first few quintants of training. I was quite a nuisance to them at the time.”

She stuck the straw into the water pouch while thinking of something else to say. She wanted to press him on why he was up so late when he was clearly dressed for sleep (why else would he take off his armor?) and see if she couldn’t discern a bit more of what was bothering him. But the last encounter had made her less hopeful. The man just had too many walls up and at this point it was unlikely he would willingly break any down.

“Well, I hope you sleep well.” She said, wincing at how awkward it sounded. If Lotor found it awkward, he didn’t show it, however.

She turned to go.

“Wait, Princess.”

She stopped.

“Yes?” She asked, turning back around. Lotor was frowning down at his water pouch, like he suddenly couldn’t meet her gaze. It was hard to make out his expression. The dim light only deepened the shadows on his face. The rings beneath his eyes looked even darker than before.

“I apologize for my behavior on the bridge earlier. I am…not used to having people care about what happens to me.”

“Oh.” Allura said, quite at a loss for what else to say. “It’s alright. Our attitude towards you hasn’t been the most welcoming, I’d imagine. Anyway, was there something you needed help with?”

Lotor still wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I…am not accustomed to asking for help.” He said with a deep breath.

“That’s alright. I won’t judge you, I promise. What’s the matter?”

“I have been…having trouble falling asleep of late.” Lotor’s voice sounded strained, like it was physically painful to admit what was going on.

Allura nodded. She had guessed as much, but it had taken his own word to actually confirm it. “What do you need? Medicine? I’m sure Coran could help you find some that will work with your…heritage.”

Lotor shook his head. “That’s not the trouble. I keep having these…” He paused and began again. “What do you do when you can’t sleep?”

Allura sipped from her water pouch and leaned against the doorway. “It depends.” She said sadly. “I often think of my father and mother, and the memories we had. But something tells me your own memories of your family wouldn’t be much of a comfort.”

Lotor shook his head.

“Maybe talking about it with someone might help give you some closure?” Allura suggested. “I know I can always count on Coran to have my back. I feel a lot better after talking to him.”

Lotor took a deep breath and let it out slowly while Allura watched, feeling like she were teetering on the edge of a sharp ledge. She was so close to helping him, but one wrong move would kill the moment and make him close off even further.

“If you don’t want to talk to Coran, maybe Shiro?” She offered, wondering if she’d just blown it and would have been better off staying silent until he spoke again. “He might relate to what you’re going through.”

“I killed my own father, Allura.”

Allura closed her mouth abruptly. Lotor’s voice was soft and barely audible. His gaze was lowered to the floor again, and Allura felt another stab of pity. His statement had stunned her into silence, but not because of its content. That much she had known, or at least guessed. What surprised her was his vulnerability, which she had begun to doubt would ever show itself, and his use of her name instead of her title.

Unsure of how to react, she shifted her stance awkwardly and waited to see if Lotor would speak again. After a few heartbeats, he did.

“And the worst part is I don’t regret it. He was a cruel, heartless monster. So why do I still feel terrible?”

Allura bit her lip. “Because you’re a good person. True, it was what you had to do, but those feelings are natural and a sign that you’re nothing like him.”

Lotor lifted his gaze then, and Allura rather thought she imagined a glisten in his eye for a brief tick. But she dismissed it as a trick of the dim light.

“You truly think that?”

“I do. You’ve proved that time and again. This is just the latest example.”

There was a pause as Lotor took another deep breath.

“Thank you, princess. You’ve helped a lot.”

Allura resisted the urge to put her hand on his shoulder. It didn’t seem right, and she didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“It’s alright.” She said instead. “We all have vulnerable moments. It’s how we become stronger.” As she said this, she realized she was speaking to herself as much as to him.

Lotor actually smiled then; a tiny upturn on the corners of his mouth, but it was as good as a grin in his case. Allura felt a smile forming on her own face as well.

“Well, it’s late.” She said pleasantly. “Let’s get a good night’s sleep before we get to Olkarion. I think our minds will be much fresher in the morning.”

“I agree.”

They finished their water packets and headed down the hall together before splitting off towards their respective rooms. Allura watched Lotor’s back as he turned away. His posture, while as dignified as ever, seemed to have lost much of its previous tension, like a giant burden had been lifted from his shoulders. His walk seemed more confident and more peaceful, and Allura headed to her own bed satisfied he would have a better sleep than he’d had in a long time. He hadn’t completely opened up to her, and Allura honestly didn’t expect him to, but it was certainly a start, and she hoped it had helped.

_Dwelling on the past doesn’t help anyone._ She thought as she climbed into bed. _It’s only there to remind us of how far we’ve come._

 

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt took forever and I'm still not happy with it but I hope y'all like it.


End file.
